If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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