Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
