her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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