I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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