What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
