something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
