It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
