My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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