he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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