Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
