i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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