I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
