I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
