I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
