WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sext me about skeletons
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
