I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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