He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
