i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
