I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
