I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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