i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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