I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
