Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
