I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
