Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
