I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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