I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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