We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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