I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
