I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
