omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
