well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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