if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
