I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
