yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
