Where is the hickey?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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