what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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