you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
