I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nutella sex= disaster
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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