Me too!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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