I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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