When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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