I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
