I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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