There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
