it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize