i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
