I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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