like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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