I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
