I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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