Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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