When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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