Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
