No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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