Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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