ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
