i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
