Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
