I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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