google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
