There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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