You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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