So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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