I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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