mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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