you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need moral support for this bender
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
