idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
