You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
