i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
